The staff and crew here at the Very Nice Web Site (read: me) are thrilled to announce the winners of the 2014 Very Nicest Awards. After culling through literally some products, we (me) have determined that these products stand head and shoulders above the rest. Our (my) congratulations to all the winners of these seemingly random categories!

Very Nicest Game: Monument Valley

Simply gorgeous. And, it featured reasonably-priced in-app purchases that made people who seem to think developers should work for free crazy. Crazier. Whatever. Still a win.

Very Nicest Guilty Pleasure Game: Crossy Road

So much time spent on this game. Such a delight. So pointless. What am I doing with my life?

Very Nicest Party Game: Uzu 3

It’s not even a game, really, but put an iPad with this running on the table at your next party. Guaranteed to break the ice.

Very Nicest New Installment to a Game Series (oh, come on, this is just a random list now): Kingdom Rush Origins

Every bit as good as its previous two installments, both of which are great games. Fun and just the right amount of challenge to not be annoyingly simple or hard.

Very Nicest iPhone: The iPhone 5s

You heard me. The iPhone 5s was the sweet spot for size. Here’s hoping 2015 brings us a 4-inch iPhone with the updated feature set.

No, you’re stupid.

Very Nicest Book: The Martian

Pop quiz, hot shot: You’re stuck alone on Mars for two years. What do you do? What do you do? The Martian is a fast and fun read. You can easily get it in before the movie with Matt Damon comes out. Actually, you can probably get it in before dinner.

Very Nicest Holiday Meat: Duck

Won’t you consider murdering and eating a duck this holiday season? Unlike turkey, their meat is juicy and delicious. And frankly, the turkeys could use a break. Plus, mallards are kind of assholes.

Very Nicest App I Haven’t Even Figured Out Yet: Workflow

Automator for iOS is a very apt description. Check out Federico Viticci’s review of Workflow to get an idea of what it can do. It’s worth it just for the animated GIFs of my poodle I’m going to make with it. At some point someone is going to say to you “Why don’t you just Workflow that?” and you don’t want to be the idiot who doesn’t have Workflow.

Very Nicest Math and Calculation App for iOS: Soulver

Every day I help my son with his math homework. Every day I use Soulver. Soulver is perfect for this use case (as well as about a million more) because it shows the problem and the solution. It also lets you change parts of the problem inline to show how the results change.

Very Nicest Movie: Probably something I didn’t see

I mean, I loved Captain America: The Winter Soldier and Guardians of the Galaxy but let’s get real. I dunno. The Imitation Game? Let’s just say it’s that. I haven’t seen it but that Benelux Cummerbund is good in everything.

(I have now lost complete control of this list. Please call the authorities. I need a covert extraction and strategic carpet bombing of the list from high altitude.)

Very Nicest Podcast: Yours!

You’re so funny! And your insights about cars and comic books and technology? Brilliant.

I’m sorry. That’s cynical. And far too obviously about me. Besides, it’s probably Serial. I haven’t heard it, but I’m gonna say it’s Serial. Yours is second. Second’s still pretty good. Look, it’s just an honor to be mentioned, OK?

(Desperate cry for help.)

Very Dumbest Year-End List: This one.

Aaaand fin.

Phew. Now I know why I don’t do these.