» ‘Christ, I hate Blackboard’

davenoon at Lawyers, Guns and Money keys an amazing ode to Blackboard, a software package used throughout higher education.

When I die, I want my whiskey-pickled body larded into a cryonic chamber, then buried deep in the earth. A thousand years from now, I want these loping, crookspined human gargoyles to dig me up and reanimate me. I will learn their language; I will amble to the profane horizon of their blood-gorged vernacular; I will force them at spear-point to build me a time machine; then I will murder them all with my bare hands. I will return to all of you then to bear witness, in a rapturous tornado of filth, to my contempt for that unholy system of course mismanagement software.

I used Blackboard years ago when I took some computer science class at the University of Washington, but I don’t remember much about it other than actively trying to avoid it. Still, if you’ve in any kind of large organization with centralized technology planning you know of a package like this, a package only an IT department would wish upon someone. I don’t know why it has to be that way, but that’s a the way it is.