Ubuntu phone
The words fall trippingly from the tongue.
Ubuntu phone.
You crave it, like a dog craves water on a hot day. Or, really, anyone craves water on a hot day. But you happen to be down on all fours barking, so…
Ubuntu phone.
The mere promise of it is like a dream. A whisper of unspoken openness. Openness… in your pants. Your fly falls down.
Ubuntu phone.
You can finally have it all. No walled gardens, no false promises of openness, no [whatever Windows Phone is].
Ubuntu phone.
Those two words alone are enough.
But what if there was more? What if Ubuntu phone was also… a desktop? Now your breath is stolen away. How many futures can one device fulfill? How many dreams can you catch in a falling star? Just how many monkeys are in this barrel? Is it literally full of monkeys? Because that would be a lot of monkeys.
Welcome to Ubuntu Edge.
(Presumably as in “edge case”.)
What does Ubuntu Edge let you do?
…connect to any monitor and this Ubuntu phone transforms into an Ubuntu PC, with a fully integrated desktop OS and shared access to all files.
Ask yourself how much you would pay for the promise of a full Ubuntu desktop computer… in a phone? Would you give your immortal soul? No? How about $830? Because that’s the lowest tier that actually gets you a phone that is currently available on this Indiegogo project.
But price is irrelevant to you. You need this. Because like Batman stores costumes and grappling guns and possibly softcore porn all over Gotham City, you store monitors, keyboards and mice everywhere you might go. You do. That’s your strange compulsion. The doctors can’t explain it, but there it is. No matter how many times we say “Lenny, why don’t you just store your data in the cloud and then access it from different devices like a normal person?” you keep leaving peripherals in our bathroom, at Aunt Lorraine’s and one time at the Subway.
Ubuntu phone.
Because one device can do it all. Just crappily.
Ubuntu phone.
Finally, all of your weird obsessions will be rewarded.
Ubuntu phone.