The ideal candidate has extensive experience making pizza dough from scratch and is able to portion and toss the dough; possesses the ability to hand stretch the pizza (without using a rolling pin) and cook the pizza to order in a high temperature oven. The cook will also prep and maintain all food items necessary to make a variety of pizzas (toppings, sauces and related prep).

At least 2-4 years of experience working a high volume wood burning pizza oven featuring thin crust, Neapolitan style pizza.

Now we know what all those “To Be Announced” sessions at WWDC are for.

(Via Gus Mueller for whom, let’s face it, this job description was written.)

In what appears to be a direct response to the failed boycott campaign of anti-gay group One Million Moms, JCPenney yesterday unveiled a new Father’s Day ad featuring a same-sex couple playing with their children.

I like what Ron Johnson’s doing at JCPenney. I just wish it were working better.

Three JCPenney anecdotes:

• My wife has suddenly started looking at their ads and ooh-ing.
• My dad, who’s pretty smart, just doesn’t think there’s any way for Johnson to save the company. I say if anyone can it’s probably him.
• I touched Ron Johnson on the arm once at Macworld Expo. Didn’t talk to him, just walked up to him and… touch… and walked away. He was talking to someone else and didn’t even flinch. Cool cucumber.

(via Glenn Fleishman)

Having previously declared paid inclusion to be evil,

(via MG Siegler)

I don’t get it.

The New York Times reported over the weekend that Facebook had poached software and hardware engineers from Apple to work on a Facebook phone.

First of all, is that legal to simply poach them? And how big a pan do you need? How many minutes does it take to poach an engineer just right? I hate it when they come out all runny.

Usually, I would assume that the reason I don’t “get” why Facebook thinks it needs to make a phone is because I’m an idiot. But fortunately while I may still be an idiot, I’m not alone.

Yes, it turns out that “experts” also question the need for a Facebook phone. Although, I have to say that I think “Geoff Blaber” and “Francisco Jeronimo” might be made-up names.

I am reasonably sure, however, that Brent Simmons is a real person since I’ve met him a number of times.

I don’t think a Facebook phone is any kind of answer. It will have to be super-cheap to compete. After all, why buy a cow (a Facebook phone) when you can get milk (a Facebook app) for free? A Facebook phone looks like an expensive distraction, a war of choice.

I wonder the same thing about Android. On the books, it doesn’t seem like Android’s panned out for Google. They make most of their mobile search money from iOS and now have the $12.5 billion acquisition of Motorola to amortize. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to simply focus on making the best search engine and other services, thereby making yourself a must-have on all mobile devices? Or is that just too hard?

Adrian Kingsley-Hughes thinks the Facebook phone is in response to Apple baking Twitter into iOS, which may be true, but they probably also figure they can’t keep buying up Instagrams at a billion dollars a pop, particularly with ad revenues being what they are.

Despite continued rumors about it, Apple didn’t build itself a carrier infrastructure to make sure the iPhone would be available to everyone. They just built the best damn phone there is and woe betide the carrier now that doesn’t have it. Deciding that you have to build a phone seems like what an entrenched company that feels it can no longer innovate does in order to protect its position as platforms shift.

I wrote a thing for Macworld about Windows 8. Because who else are you going to turn to for an opinion about Microsoft’s next OS than a noted Apple partisan like myself?

I mean, duh, that just makes sense, right?

An interesting look at Rockstar, the shell company holding what’s left of the Nortel patents that Apple, Microsoft and not Google acquired. It’s an interesting story that dates back to 1882 when the company that would become Nortel was originally founded.

While it’s true that Apple and Microsoft actually make stuff, which is traditionally the differentiator between someone just protecting their stuff and a patent troll, this whole thing does seem a little skeevy.

It turned out that Nortel had patents that covered parts of the up-and-coming mobile data technology called Long Term Evolution. Also known as 4G, this is the standard now bringing speedier internet access to mobile phones. Many of those patents are now owned by Rockstar and could be enforced against mobile phone companies — Google, for example — in the coming months.

Well, OK, that’s not to say that something funny can’t come out of it.

Today, we’ve been informed that Apple has removed Airfoil Speakers Touch from the iOS App Store.1 We first heard from Apple about this decision two days ago, and we’ve been discussing the pending removal with them since then. However, we still do not yet have a clear answer on why Apple has chosen to remove Airfoil Speakers Touch.

It’s bad enough when they reject a submission with a cryptic excuse but this was an already approved app. Hopefully this gets resolved but right now I don’t have anything funny to say about this so I’ll just say “butts”.

Disclosure: Rogue Amoeba’s CEO and lackey Paul Kafasis is a pal of mine who helped set up this site and has advertised on my other internet properties before so I’m neck deep in Rogue Amoeba blood money. Still, I would think this sucks even if it wasn’t a patron getting jerked around.

My pal Paul Kafasis puts Apple’s celebrity Siri ads to the test and the results aren’t good. Might I suggest that if he’s going to pretend to be Samuel L. Jackson that he try it with an eye patch on. It won’t make Siri understand him any better but pretending to be Nick Fury is always awesome.

Not that I’d know. I just think it’d be good for him.

I’m going to say right now that I think trying to sell the iPhone based on Siri as it currently operates is a mistake. I was never the least bit squeamish about the “I’m a Mac” ads because they were all directionally correct. These ads, however, don’t actually seem to be.

It’s probably not a big mistake but it is clearly the first signs of Apple crumbling under Tim Cook makes Paul’s headline ironically apropos.

The Register:

“We as a security company are not able to develop true endpoint security for iOS,” Kaspersky told The Register in Sydney today. “That will mean disaster for Apple,” he opined, as malware will inevitably strike iOS in the future.

“Guy whose company’s Mac malware removal tool accidentally deleted user preferences wants to make ‘malware protection’ for what’s already the most secure operating system currently available.”

Um… no.

Go away.

And totally doesn’t look like any other laptop you might have previously seen at all!