Jean-Louise Gassée gets to my real complaint about Satya Nadella’s message last week:

Satya Nadella is an unusually intelligent man, a Mensa-caliber intellect, well-read, he quotes Nietzsche, Oscar Wilde, and Rainer Maria Rilke. Why, then, does he repeatedly break basic storytelling rules?

Two possible explanations come to mind.

First, because he’s intelligent and literate, he forgot to use an unforgiving editor. …

Second, and more likely, Nadella speaks in code.

Ben Thompson, on the other hand, had a more positive view of the email. My problem with Thompson’s defense is that almost all his high points come from reading between the lines, not things that Nadella said directly. Maybe the message resonated with Microsoft employees (and past employees like Thompson), but it didn’t work at all outside that group. That being the case, it shouldn’t have been publicly released. Maybe they figured it would have gotten out anyway and wanted to get ahead of it, but as a grand strategy statement it’s in dire need of an editor.

Some really solid advice from Shawn Blanc. My wife and I have been running home businesses for a couple of years now and managing cash flow is our biggest problem. Turns out it’s hard to adjust to the ebb and flow of income after having had a steady and consistently increasing one all my adult life. You have to learn to spend to the low points, not the high points.

Fortunately, I’m pretty much unemployable at this point so there’s no turning back.

Turns out the New York Times can investigate companies other than Apple. Who knew?

After work,

It’s over 3,000 words long, so buckle up. Here are some selected quotes.

The day I took on my new role I said that our industry does not respect tradition – it only respects innovation.

Good start. Then he goes on for a long time about how wicked boss technology is.

Our customers and society expect us to maximize the value of technology while also preserving the values that are timeless. We will create more natural human-computing interfaces that empower all individuals.

I have no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

At our core, Microsoft is the productivity and platform company for the mobile-first and cloud-first world.

OK, that I get. It’s a decent enough summarization of what Microsoft should be trying to do.

We help people get stuff done. Stuff like term papers, recipes and budgets. Stuff like chatting with friends and family across the world.

I know you need to justify having bought Skype, but chatting with family is not a Microsoft Project milestone.

Microsoft has a unique ability to harmonize the world’s devices, apps, docs, data and social networks in digital work and life experiences so that people are at the center and are empowered to do more and achieve more with what is becoming an increasingly scarce commodity – time!

I don’t even know what to do with that. Traditionally, Microsoft as defined “the world’s devices” as “devices that run our operating systems”. I hope that’s part of the change he’s defining because their operating systems don’t hold the weight they used to.

Microsoft will light up digital work and life experiences in the most personal, intelligent, open and empowering ways.

Is soccer still on?

While today many people define mobile by devices, Microsoft defines it by experiences.

That’s what you say when you have no mobile device sales, sure.

In order to deliver the experiences our customers need for the mobile-first and cloud-first world, we will modernize our engineering processes to be customer-obsessed, data-driven, speed-oriented and quality-focused.

As opposed to our old processes which were engineer-obsessed, haphazard, slow and crappy.

OK, that’s a joke (sort of) but that’s the danger of making these kinds of generic, feel-good statements. A great swath of this letter reads like it was written by consultants.

Each engineering group will have Data and Applied Science resources that will focus on measurable outcomes for our products and predictive analysis of market trends, which will allow us to innovate more effectively.

Larry, you’re now in charge of measurable, predictive innovation. Good luck! [Larry is eaten by hyenas.]

Culture change means we will do things differently. Often people think that means everyone other than them. In reality, it means all of us taking a new approach and working together to make Microsoft better. To this end, I’ve asked each member of the Senior Leadership Team to evaluate opportunities to advance their innovation processes and simplify their operations and how they work.

Reminder: Mark Penn is on Microsoft’s Senior Leadership Team. So, that should go super-smooth and without any back-stabbing.

We have clarity in purpose to empower every individual and organization to do more and achieve more.

If a 3,000-word buzzword-addled letter doesn’t say “clarity” then what does? Nadella used “empower” 7 times in this letter. That is exactly 7 times too many.

We must each have the courage to transform as individuals.

Translation: “YOUR JOB IS ALREADY IN JEOPARDY.”

OK, I’m being pretty pessimistic about this letter. But I found it way too long and filled with meaningless terminology. Overall, I think Nadella was the best choice of those floated for Microsoft CEO and I’ve been a fan of many of his moves so far. I don’t, however, find this letter inspiring.

Finally.

No, really.

You won’t be able to tell it from the real thing. The only difference, of course, is that more thought probably went into this.

Electronista:

Amazon has decided to take a hard line against the Federal Trade Commission’s (FTC) pressure to change their approach to in-app purchases. In a letter to the commission, the company stated that it would defend its “customer-centric approach” if the FCC pursued a complaint in Federal court. The government agency is considering suing Amazon over what it calls lax practices to prevent any possibility of unauthorized buying of in-app purchases (IAPs), for example by children.

Amazon is extremely concerned about having a “customer-centric approach”.

Well, unless you use their Kindle and Comixology apps on iOS. Then they’re more concerned about the money. Which is also what they’re concerned about on their platform.

Ina Fried at Re/code:

Samsung said today that a number of factors dented second-quarter results, including a slowdown in smartphone sales, “sluggish” demand for tablets and a strong Korean currency.

But they think next quarter will be better.

It’ll take about 8 years for the idea that everything isn’t all sunshine and roses for Samsung to seep into the conventional wisdom.

Geek.com’s Matthew Humphries on HP’s new “fanless” Chromebook that has a big loud fan in it:

If you use the word “fanless” in a product description I expect a device that does not use any fans in order to keep components cool. Fanless is not a buzzword you can use in place of “quiet operation” as it has a meaning, specifically: no fans are being used. But HP seems to have overlooked that fact in its new Chromebox.

That’s some nice copy editing, HP.